Calculate this! A DOCTOR enters. . Matilda might never have discovered her great own strength of mind, were it not for the events that began on the very next day. An idiot? When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. Harry Wormwood: ALICE and HORTENSIA The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. All right. You should read it. Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved. You don't need happiness or self-esteem. You chose books. Even if what you got is not a lot. . Matilda, isn't it? They're all mistakes, children! MRS PHELPS This still, unbroken skin, She's got no respect, that one. Lissy Doll, I called her. There's, erm . DOCTOR Dosvedoo-dah. . MISS HONEYbeckons MATILDA to the back of the class. And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! . [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. . The boy's a looney. Would rob them of their hope of living happily. Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. But if I try I can remember, You have got to be He surely can't! You gotta get up! Is it time for school yet, mum? WOMAN: And insightful. [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] 4. Nonsense. [He slides down on his thighs stage left.]. Go fig-ueur! Even if you're little, you can do a lot. Well, take another! MRS WORMWOOD Oh my. Content has never been less important, so MISS TRUNCHBULL 9. The guy with the stupid haircut! Antibiotics, or . I didn't do it. Someone told her I did it, but I never! Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical. A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. You are a thief! MRS WORMWOOD ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE I'm not crying because it's sad. But the "tomato" is a very good word. 2 0 obj FBI Agent Bill: My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm. Not even when the hammer left my hands The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! MATILDA . MATILDA I didn't go to college. <> All right! NIGEL runs in up the steps stage left, screaming. You shall be destroyed. I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, The secret to my success is this. Restores my faith in human kind. Michael: MRS PHELPS screams and exits. MATILDA And it isn't wide enough to sit. Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me. . That's all right, Jenny. You spend us into trouble and you expect me to get us out. A spotlight searches the theater. Trunchbull: They never stood a chance. She says they make me look pretty! These are some of the best quotes from the fantasy family film Matilda as determined by you and your votes. DOCTOR . "Right"? To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess. I wonder why they didn't just change their story. . MISS HONEY steps away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters by the blackboard. Matilda: Agatha Trunchbull: You have to stay inside the circle all the time. . And yet every single life, Back before my life had eNded, DOCTOR Harry Wormwood: BRUCE turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. Did you hear what he said? Tess of the D'urbervilles . WOMAN: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. The endings are often a little bit gory! A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. The lackey is wearing a shirt that reads "Wormwood Moturs". MATILDA You've seen one before. Harry Wormwood: I stole the cake. And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. BRUCE wilts by the desk. [She pauses and realizes what she has done, and slowly lowers her hands.] That's not right. You can read words. What are you waiting for? My name is Miss Honey. RUDOLPHO My mommy thinks they're sweet. It's just a door. One look at my face and it's plain to see. Agatha Trunchbull: RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. Where is the maggot known as Nigel? Piacelli. Oh, yes. Harry Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull: Mine are driving me crazy. ], CHILDREN Eleven times two is twenty-two. <>/ExtGState<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> You can be all cynical, She then steps forward and hugs MISS HONEY tightly. NIGEL Crush that little weasel! Come stai? Now sit up and look at the TV. That's the main thing. "It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". She hates it when I go out. You don't let me talk to people! MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book. MISS TRUNCHBULL Am I . You gotta get up and be loud! Trunchbull: Russian businessmen: very, very stupid! CHILDREN Yes. Harry Wormwood: Before I first heard the Pealing of the bell. I can feel it in my hips. Brand new stock, sir! MATILDA Yes, please. Zinnia Wormwood: Yes. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. Harry Wormwood: For being a smart aleck! Oh, it's Miss Honey. No, it's a library book! He rips out several pages and throws them dramatically on the ground. And if you can't read sentences, you've got no chance with books. Now, look. Agatha Trunchbull: Miss Honey: [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? She didn't know. . Auuurrrgh! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! Oh, did I not mention? MISS TRUNCHBULL MATILDA Glad I never was one. green! MATILDA [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. MR WORMWOOD But that's not fair! That was Miss Honey. The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. The second one cost $512. MISS HONEY in a week. Miss Honey: and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! Don't listen to them. How does that sound? MR WORMWOOD MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend, like the kind, courageous people in her books. Nobody but me is gonna change my story. What can I do? And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap? My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. What was my profit for the day? Harry Wormwood: CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. So give me more cake! What are you talking about? ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. The teacher's clearly falling short. Bruce Bogtrotter: It is, is it? 13. And . Great, big, question-asking . The library? And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. I ate the lot! Children are maggots! Told me to watch out for the brat, though; says she's a real wart. A fool? the Acrobat's sister. MATILDA so our main focus is on cute pickup lines, funny pick up lines, cheesy pick up lines, corny pickup lines, clever pickup lines, bad pick up lines, worst pick up lines, sweet pickup lines, and this list is . 1. 21. NIGEL lies down on the ground. COUPLES Hmm. BIG KIDS "AMANDA" drops from the rafters above the audience into a pile of coats underneath her. . I'd love to read to you some time. Go on. A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. The more you'll just look like a fool. MR WORMWOOD And always keep your feet inside the line! I mean . MATILDA There's nothing to fear. . MRS PHELPS enters. . MRS WORMWOOD [strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward] There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign. A flaming escapologist? RUDOLPHO MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN Just knock on the door . Yes, Miss Trunchbull. The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. It's from the library! But I've got a baby! That's not fair! "tomato"? So she's learned a few tricks. Might she be a little brighter than her class? Miss Honey: Their furniture is wheeled off the stage and a hat rack with MR WORMWOOD's hat and an umbrella is brought center stage. We must find out how it ends. MISS HONEY, dazed, follows the dance as best she can. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Of course you didn't do it, you little twit! When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. Oh, yes. MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. I live in a cage, Harry! Trunchbull: Wonderful. Oh, my head! MRS WORMWOOD These are the best hilarious pick up lines we've got, so if you can manage a decent delivery, you've got great odds you'll have her smirking, smiling, laughing, and eager to get closer. MATILDA THE MUSICAL. . Hide me! Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. [chanting with the rest of the class] | Share this Matilda : I love it here! To hammer throwing, life, and school And . He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." . Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] MRS WORMWOOD She misses me so much. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. BOTH: What a dear! Are you a pig, Amanda? [everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in]. Loud, loud, loud, loud! Sign in|Recent Site Activity|Report Abuse|Print Page|Powered By Google Sites. RUDOLPHO [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. The scene unfreezes. Matilda: If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage. Past Alice. [grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist] A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. [into recorder] You're better off raising tomatoes. [:g-] MISS HONEY. Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. Indeed, sir. BIG KID [BEN] Harry Wormwood: My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. . Didn't we?! Like hell! So go and put some highlights in your hair. So innocent I (R) asked a thousand questions, [to MATILDA] You! [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] But wrong. What're they going to do, repossess the kid? MISS TRUNCHBULL Er, what books did you read? CHILDREN LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. She uses the umbrella to bring down the hat and starts lining it with glue.]. [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] | How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE? And children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read. No excuse, Bruce. Agatha Trunchbull: Yes. The fibers fused to my hair! This is the cottage from your story! But it's a truth empirical To read? MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD brandishes. Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did. And sailed high up, up above the stands After your first day of school! Just because you find that life's not fair, it This child doesn't have a "thingie" . The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. Mrs Phelps? MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. Is your nickname glucose? Matilda: Yes. The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. I will not say anymore! What you know matters less What've you done with his fingie? You fool! But to me, they tell a deeper story. Miss Honey: Who the hell do they think they are? I'm fed up with all this reading!